Matthew is of indeterminable age – Looks 27, everyone treats him like he’s 15. After killing his father at a young age with a tractor and losing a hand in the process, he returns home with a hook and promptly kills his stepfather before accidently killing his mother.
Running away from the scene of the crime, he’s picked up by a honeymooning couple, who he decides to club to death after hallucinating they’re the spirits of his dead parents. Moving further on into Midwest America, Matthew meets a prostitute/painter who, guess what, he fanaticises is his mother and kills her clientele believing them to be his stepfather. Along the way, he bumps off various other people in a bid to impress his new lady and make her believe he’s a well off gentlemen. All of which works, right up until he kidnaps her in his newly acquired mansion.
‘I get groceries and dresses and kill people!’ He cries, ‘And do you appreciate it? No! But you will. You’ll count on me for everything.’. Yeah, what an ungrateful bitch.
It’s like Eli Roth directed Pretty Woman and you’re just waiting for the scene where Richard Gere rips Julia Roberts’s head off and humps it to the tune of Roy Orbison’s titular classic.
The editing is terrible, the acting atrocious and the whole thing is over in less than 90 minutes. Why did I watch it? Because I’m skint, trying to fight jet lag and full of red wine and Jack D. How this excuses me from all the other films I’ve watched, I don’t know.*
*For those keeping score, he kills the prostitute (in a way that defies all the laws of physics) when she tries to escape, before running away from her ghost and killing himself in a church. Oh exploitation, you fickle shitty twat of a beast.
